Loving the Church Means Being Willing to Speak Up

Oct 20

I've spent a lot of time lately thinking about what it means to truly love the Church, especially when we're confronted with things happening within it that are deeply wrong.

As Christians, we want our churches to be places where people encounter Jesus, grow in their faith, and find a community that cares for them. We want to believe the people leading those communities have our best interests at heart. And while there are countless faithful men and women serving the Lord, we also know that spiritual abuse, manipulation, and misconduct have caused tremendous pain within Christian communities.

This is something that has become deeply personal to me because of my own experience with abuse by a youth pastor when I was seventeen. It's also something I've continued to wrestle with as I've explored the history of Christianity and felt drawn toward the Catholic Church.

How do we reconcile our love for the Church with the reality that people within it have caused so much harm? And what responsibility do we have as Christians to make sure those things don't continue happening?

When Protecting the Church Becomes Protecting Its Reputation

One of the things that concerns me most about church scandals is how quickly conversations can turn toward protecting the reputation of a leader or institution.

When allegations come forward, people sometimes worry about how the news will affect their congregation, whether others will lose their faith, or what it might mean for the future of a ministry.

I understand why those concerns exist. Many of us have invested years of our lives into church communities we deeply love, and it's painful to discover that someone we respected may have abused their position of authority.

But I think we have to ask ourselves a difficult question: Who are we protecting when we choose to remain silent?

In John 10, Jesus describes Himself as the Good Shepherd who knows His sheep and lays down His life for them. His example should shape the way we understand spiritual leadership and our responsibility toward one another.

If Jesus cares so deeply for His sheep, we should be willing to take seriously anything that threatens their safety.

When we prioritize someone's reputation over the well-being of those who have been harmed, we lose sight of the very people we're called to love.

Why Listening to Survivors Matters

Something I've learned through my own experience is that speaking about abuse can be incredibly difficult.

For years, I carried things that I didn't know how to talk about. There was shame, confusion, and the fear that people wouldn't believe me. When someone in a position of spiritual authority has manipulated you, it can affect the way you understand yourself, your faith, and even your relationship with God.

That's part of what makes spiritual abuse so devastating.

When someone finally finds the courage to share what happened, the response they receive matters tremendously.

I recently had a conversation with Sister Teresa from Sisters of the Little Way, a Catholic religious community dedicated to supporting survivors and helping prevent abuse within the Church.

One aspect of their ministry that really stood out to me was their commitment to listening. Sister Teresa explained that when they meet with survivors, they don't immediately offer advice or tell them what they should do. They recognize how important it is for someone who has experienced manipulation to have their voice and agency respected.

I think there's something we can all learn from that approach.

We don't have to have all the answers to take someone's pain seriously.

Sometimes our responsibility begins with being willing to listen without becoming defensive, dismissing someone's concerns, or trying to explain away what happened.

And when someone discloses abuse, listening should be accompanied by appropriate steps to protect them and others, including reporting suspected crimes or child abuse to the proper authorities.

Creating a Culture of Accountability in the Church

It's encouraging to know that many churches and religious institutions have implemented policies intended to prevent abuse and protect vulnerable people.

But policies alone cannot replace a community that is willing to recognize concerning behavior and respond appropriately.

I think one of the most dangerous assumptions we can make is that someone is incapable of wrongdoing simply because of their position in the Church.

Pastors, priests, ministry leaders, and other respected figures are still human beings. Their positions of authority should come with greater responsibility and accountability, rather than placing them beyond questioning.

As Christians, we should be able to raise concerns when something doesn't seem right. Parents should feel comfortable asking questions about the adults working with their children. Church members should be able to identify inappropriate boundaries or troubling behavior without fearing that they'll be accused of causing division.

And leaders should be willing to receive appropriate correction.

A healthy church community makes room for difficult questions because protecting people matters more than avoiding uncomfortable conversations.

This is something every one of us can participate in, regardless of whether we hold a leadership position.

What Does Jesus Teach Us About Caring for the Vulnerable?

Throughout the Gospels, Jesus repeatedly demonstrates His concern for people who have been overlooked, mistreated, or pushed aside.

He notices those whom others ignore, and He isn't afraid to confront religious leaders when their actions contradict the heart of God.

In Matthew 23, Jesus speaks directly against religious hypocrisy and the burdens that religious leaders place on others. His words are a sobering reminder that spiritual authority carries a responsibility to serve faithfully.

I think it's worth considering how we respond when someone challenges wrongdoing within a church community.

Do we immediately assume they're trying to cause division? Do we become defensive because we admire the leader being questioned? Or are we willing to consider that speaking up may be necessary to protect someone else?

Of course, accusations should be handled carefully and responsibly, and the truth matters in every situation. But protecting the Church should never become an excuse to ignore credible concerns or discourage people from seeking help.

If we want our churches to reflect the heart of Jesus, we have to be willing to care for people the way He does.

That includes people whose experiences challenge our assumptions about the communities and leaders we love.

Loving the Church Enough to Pursue What Is Right

I know conversations about abuse and accountability can be uncomfortable, especially for those of us who genuinely love the Church and want to see people come to know Jesus.

But I believe these conversations are necessary.

One of the things Sister Teresa emphasized during our discussion was the importance of creating a culture where people are aware of the possibility of abuse and willing to speak up when something seems wrong.

That responsibility belongs to all of us.

For some, it might mean learning more about spiritual abuse and recognizing warning signs. For others, it might mean supporting someone who has been hurt, asking difficult questions of leadership, or helping establish stronger safeguards within their church community.

And for those who have personally experienced abuse, I hope you know that you deserve to be heard and treated with dignity. You should never feel pressured to share your story before you're ready, and the responsibility for what happened belongs to the person who harmed you.

As I continue thinking about what it means to love the Church, I keep coming back to the example Jesus gave us as the Good Shepherd.

He cares for His sheep, and He calls us to care for one another.

My prayer is that we would become people who take that responsibility seriously, who are willing to pursue truth even when it's uncomfortable, and who never forget that the Church is made up of people Jesus loves deeply.